Frustration, Community, Life

August 17, 2004 | View Comments (18) | Category: Our Thoughts

Summary: My thoughts on our community, our egos, and how we should go about things.

For some reason when you first enter the “design community” you tell yourself that you will not be sucked into the egosphere or the crack addiction of needing to build up massive amounts of traffic. You make sure to tell yourself that you will always just focus on providing wonderful content and sharing your thoughts with the world. If a couple people come along cool, if not well it doesn't matter since the site was created for you.

Then something else occurs. You do get sucked in. You want more traffic. You want more people to comment on your site. Instead of looking for constructive criticism you get extremely upset if someone goes against what you say. “Squash all trolls” you conclude. The community is filled with them you think and wonder why you even waste your time with these people. You write the world's greatest entry yet no one responds. “Losers” is the only possible conclusion.

It happened to me before where I let my ego build up so great that any dissenting voice in the crowd brought about anger. I don't know if this was due to immaturity or the fact that reality decided to slap me in the face. In the end though it was greatly welcomed. Sometimes I get 70 comments other times I get 7. I can't control the masses, but I also learned to stop letting the masses control me.

I have learned to listen better than in the past. But more importantly I have learned to not place such a high emphasis on what others feel about my work or the way they look at me. This is where many of us get disillusioned in the community.

The disillusionment causes resentment. In turn this can cause burnout. No traffic comes your way. No comments. Nothing. Why bother right?

Well because on the web you can do whatever you want. Therefore, doing what makes you happy should be a no-brainer. When did we stop doing that? I think it happens when we place our priorities in the wrong order. You can't force traffic your way. You can't convince people that all your ideas are right. Just have fun with it again. Let loose.

Here is a secret: over time you will think that most of the people in this community are idiots. It happens. Harsh? Yes, but trust me on this one. Ask the more popular bloggers and they will say the same things. Hell, ask anyone and I am sure you will get that reaction. Please take note that I said “most” and not all, so I wasn't talking about you ;-).

If you are looking for deep intellectual conversations then your blog is not the place to look. It's possible for it to occur every once in a while, but all it takes is one stray comment to derail everything. Everyone is an expert online and nobody is scared to say what is on their mind. Especially if they don't have an url. Better luck with face-to-face meetings. Blogs are where we express our opinions that either get quickly flamed, ignored, seen as troll bait or ass-kissing.

The CSS Vault

The CSS Vault has become a beast for commentary. Many will simply call these people trolls due to the “constructive criticism” that goes on there. I try to moderate the comments to the best of my abilities and only keep the ones that add something to the site. I have deleted comments from my friends and other well-known names. I try to be relentless. On other sites you will usually get the “great work” type of comments, while on the Vault you get a different kind of beast.

Granted the majority of people who come out to comment are the ones who have problems with the site and therefore make it look as though everyone has something against the design. I don't know if it is because they have placed the Vault at such a high standard they expect perfection or they feel it's the only place they can really talk about these things. In any case I do see it as a healthy thing, be it with or without trolls.

Popularity

Most of the people want it. You want to be noticed. Nothing wrong with that. But let me tell you firsthand that expectations both within yourself and within the community buildup once you become popular.

People like to develop the idea that because they read your site and comment on it that they own you. Crazy thought, but there are people like that out there. If you go a period without writing then your audience might get a bit upset. It's crazy.

It happens because people develop feelings about the site and indirectly you. How many people really know Zeldman, yet came out and flamed me to death via comments and email when I wrote a critique on his design? I have seen people stand up for me as well on other sites and these are people I have never met. Emotions run high around these parts. It's something you have to come to expect.

You yourself will expect greater things out of your site once you reach your peak. You pressure yourself to write the “next great thing” that never happens. What you should be thinking about is writing the “the next fun thing”.

A great example is what is happening over at Andrei's site right now. There are some people who actually say the design should be greater due to the reputation the man has. It's one thing to critique a design and it's another suggesting that greater work should be done and that he should go back to the drawing board. Could you see the pressure one would put on themselves after reading shit like that?

My advice is to design your site for yourself because it is your site. Fuck the rest of the noise. Listen to the critiques as they will help you in the future, but don't let them dictate how you think about your own abilities. I know people who get upset that I do not put their sites in the Vault. I am sure many people get discouraged. I am only one man who has his own tastes. Don't let me dictate how you design.

I love this site. I love all of my sites. But realistically, this site was more fun when there were only 100 people reading it and everyone didn't hang on every word that I said. When I didn't have to be so careful and watch what I say because I might have the wrong influence on someone. But I got what I want and I wouldn't change it for anything.

One Life

I live by the mantra that I only have one life to live and so I try not to waste any opportunities. I always tell myself this when I am not having fun doing something. Sometimes it isn't fun trying to keep up with the expectations of your blog or the ones that you have created for yourself. I have learned that it is okay to have breaks.

Keith asked me the other day if I ever feel like I am stretching myself too thin with all my sites and I had to tell him no. They are all still fun and if I ever begin to get stressed out with them and they are no longer fun then I will drop them. Simple as that.

One life to live. Enjoy it.

Tomorrow I will begin reviewing some newer blogs that people have been sending me. I encourage everyone to continue to have fun with their sites no matter what the outcome of my writings bring. Trust that it won't bring instant success. It will bring a couple of new visitors, but will not start a revolution.

I stopped trying to be the next Zeldman (popularity-wise) a long time ago. I stopped trying to be the next Gruber (writing-wise) a long time ago. I learned what I wanted to accomplish from my sites and so far I am achieving those goals tenfold. If you want to know what makes a successful blog then let me tell you. Yes I know everything so I am able to do this.

The successful blog is where you get something out of it. Be it new friends, new knowledge or just a new place to have fun. It's a place where you get back what you put in. That is a successful blog.

I am still part of the community, but I don't allow myself to get sucked in as much. I take on more of a spectator role I think than before. I used to go apeshit over a horrible redesign. Now I just kind of shrug. Everyday I allow myself to read the thoughts of others. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't. However, now I don't feel the need to write huge entries contradicting everyone (although I do have a special one coming).

All of this is not new. It's just sometimes we need to be reminded of such things (at least I do).

Trackback URL: http://9rules.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/305

Comments

#1

Paul, I believe you are encompassing the role of being a "vet". You haven't been around a REAL long time, but you have learned some great things, had great advice, and offered tons of support and services for others.

I can understand how easy it is to get sucked in.

I felt the same when I tried to get into making money online. The premise is great and the idea is awesome, but actually doing it is not very easy. I am just trying to crack a steady stream of visitors over 100 at my juicedthoughts website.

You just have to be yourself and if people don't like it, F0ck them, you know. I just Unleased on my site because I had a bunch of stuff on my chest I had to get off. Will I lose some visitors because of my honesty and possibly the thread that "derails" some visitors. Maybe, but I think alot of people will read it for what it is. I don't have a 10th of the following you do, and maybe I will someday, but if you are yourself and don't get sucked in like you said, then your life will be SOO much happier.

That is the one thing I had a problem with you saying a WHILE back when you were talking so much about Zeldman and Shea, etc...and wanting to become something like them. Thing is, you can't. You can become PAUL, but you can't become a Zeldman or anything. They are who they are, you are who you are. You have developed a very loyal following here at 9rules and your affiliate sites because of the quality that comes with your sites, be that design, writing, or anything else.

People respect what you have to say because you have an honest flare about you (did I just say flare?).

Be yourself, don't burn out, and make the sites for you and your clients, not for anyone else unless it pertains to them.

Whitespace is your outlet. True, it has become your followers outlet as well, but you are the source, you are the creator so you control what the future holds with this site, not the visitors.

Keep it up man... Your doing good!.

Bryan (http://www.juicedthoughts.com)

#2

I was That Guy, one of the first to submit myself for your review. Got plenty of clickthroughs, and a few comments. Right off the bat, the first two commenters didn't like my header. Yeah, well, tough shit, I do like it. I think it looks pretty darn spiffy and it will remain spiffy until I decide to replace it with something spiffier. But constructive criticism is much more valuable than a bunch of "me too" raves. So thank you, I'll take it under consideration, and then do whatever I want to anyway.

I'm still trying to resolve the internal conflict between the desire for popularity and the desire for independence. But ultimately it's MY site, and I do it because I want to. I'll shut it down the day it stops being fun.

Craig C. (http://geek.focalcurve.com)

#3

*in Bill Lumburgs voice from Office Space*

"Uh, yea... Craig, um... we need to do something about that Header ASAP, um k. Thanks :)"

Sorry Craig, had to do it. btw - your header is fine.

Bryan (http://www.juicedthoughts.com)

#4

Fuck 'em all. I just want to design.

eris (http://www.erisfree.com)

#5

Oh and this was written for my friends out there. Not really for me. I love my site and all of you :-)

But you could always follow eris' and bryan's advice.

Scrivs (http://businesslogs.com)

#6

Wow, I'm glad you weren't talking about me being an idiot. I certainly ain't no expert, either (I'm working on my first standards-compliant rebuild). Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'm glad sites like yours do exist and that you're doing it your way - otherwise, we wouldn't have the variety of sites that we all love and hate.

RockOfVictory (http://zepfanman.com)

#7

It's hardly surprising that people (read: bloggers) need validation (arf!) - it's a basic emotional requirement, and the only way to measure your own importance in this community is through hits and comments volume, so that perforce becomes the standard (arf! again) by which we judge ourselves and others.

It's a facet of this particular blog community (the web standards/design subset) that I guess might not apply to others - those who would keep a diary/journal IRL will not care if nobody reads their blog - but as the [un]stated aim of our community is the sharing of information, a lack of traffic and/or commenters makes it painfully obvious that you are failing to fulfil your role within the tribe.

Matthew Pennell (http://www.thewatchmakerproject.com/)

#8

I suppose you are right Matthew in that people only feel validated if they get a certain number of people to come to your site. The funny thing about that is its not hard to get people to come to your site. You have to treat blogs as you would any other website and actively go out to get people.

Too many of us expect a magic formula where we sit back and people will magically find our blogs. Not gonna happen especially with how saturated everything is now. Until some people fadeout the new people have a major uphill battle.

Scrivs (http://businesslogs.com)

#9

Scrivs,

Keep on keepin' on, 'bra.

Fuck the haters, pigs and narks, is my motto.

Almustafa El-Said

#10

Haha, nice, but again I wasn't writing this to say I wish to give up. Far from it. It's just some people tend to get disillusioned by it all so I was trying to provide some words of encouragement.

Nice saying anyways. This thread definitely passed PG a long time ago.

Scrivs (http://businesslogs.com)

#11

ALRIGHT! Lets take it XXX baby :) j/k

I will go ahread and start. cun.... :) j/k

Bryan (http://www.juicedthoughts.com)

#12

Finally, all of the thoughts I've been having recently summed up in one post, thanks Paul. I like Cameron's advice, Design your own way. To add on his thoughts, even if you're considered a "guru" (whatever that might be), this still applies.

As for me, my site is completely personal. Which means I have say over the layout and content including what is filtered and what is not. Granted, when you work for a company that lays down certain criteria you should stick to it, but personal sites are individual projects.

The eye of the beholder and all that jazz.

kartooner (http://www.kartooner.com)

#13

I agree with a lot of what you wrote, but I think too that just as you had to learn what you could and could not say as an author, sometimes those leaving comments are also going through a similar transformation. As a comment-leaver, I have written some seriously short-sighted and foolish stuff in my time, I've also said some stuff that had good intentions but still fell short, and once I wrote something that was pretty damn good. We're all learning.

Take that DxF thread, for example, at the time I wrote my comment, I intended it to be a playful challenge so he wouldn't give up on his previous design just yet -- because for me, I thought there was some real potential in that design to innovate. Intentions aside, however, and in retrospect; I now read my comment as slightly snarky and tangential -- failing to grasp the nuance of the original post and the context of the previous commentary. (And I felt that way before reading this thread)

Do I think I own anyone? Of course not. Is there room for that interpretation to exist? Unfortunately, yes, and it's something to work on and try to avoid in the future.

Anyways, I thought I'd provide a little perspective from the other side... you know, the idiots.

RMCox (http://www.artypapers.com/)

#14

I've been really obsessed with my amount traffic and comments lately and it took me a while to realise I was trying to impress people that I didn't need to impress. I'm not trying to make any money off my blog and the only people that read it are close friends and people who google for dirty words. Any hoops that I jump through would either be preaching to the choir or winning the readership of internet perverts. In other words: rather unnecessary.

I'm taking steps to come back down to Earth and focus on taking the right sort of pride in my amatuer writing and design. This post helped. :)

Jack (http://boxofjack.com)

#15

There's something I didn't hear anyone comment about: the fact that you have to watch your mouth just in case you say the wrong thing and influence someone the wrong way.

[disclaimer] Mmmh. A rude way to comment that would be on the line of 'who do you think you are', but I'm not rude and don't want to make it come through like this, that's why I make this disclaimer first ;) [/disclaimer]

My idea is that, let's face it, even if your site/blog becomes hugely famous (if it isn't already), there's also some common sense in people. Look at Jakob Nielsen. He edicts rules every other day, but when he gets misled people know it at once (remember 'flash: 99% bad'?).

Don't you refrain yourself from expressing what you think or feel. People will sort it out in the end and make their opinions by themselves.

The important thing is not to know if what you publish is *the ultimate truth* or not, the important thing is to know that here is Paul Scrivens' opinion, there is Dave Shea's over there, oh and look, Shaun Inman thinks differently, not to mention Douglas Bowman -- and on and on.

See what I mean?

s t e f (http://www.nota-bene.org/)

#16

i think the basic cause of frustation is leasue of young people, who want to do something but they can't do noting. in third world countries like pakistan youngstars adopt some different type of activities like wealing,dring,using of drugs some like that.Everyone wants a great change in their society and their lives.

Atiq ur rahmam awan

#17

Very very well said, Paul. I am going to email this to myself at work. Then, I am going to print three copies: One to put in my backpack and read every other day on the bus, and the other two to be locked away in a air-tight time capsule.

:)

For realz, though... a very nice read, and one with many ideas that it'd benefit me to remember.

I often forget that I'm just 22 years old, and that for the amount of schooling and experience I've had, I've actually got plenty to be proud of. I too, like so many others, have gotten caught up in all this madness you speak of.

To an extent, it's been to my benefit. When I started getting hip to this thing called "web standards" and all this other malarkey that went along with it, I got panicky because what I thought I saw was a world forging ahead while I was left behind. What resulted was me devouring everything from Zeldman's book to every blog this side of HTML 3.2... and then some.

I've been working myself very hard for a while now, and it's paid off, but I've definitely noticed that I've lost track of where I really am, where I'm going, but most importantly, where I've already gone.

Thanks for reminding me yet again. :)

Seth Thomas Rasmussen (http://sethrasmussen.com/)

#18

Don't you refrain yourself from expressing what you think or feel. People will sort it out in the end and make their opinions by themselves.

A-fucking-men to that. I've worried about my potty-mouth and angry ranting occasionally on my site, but ultimately I remember that the reason I wonder about it is because of what I think others will think, not me.

And anyway, I figure anybody that can't filter through some swear words to get to the point can fuck off.

:)

Seth Thomas Rasmussen (http://sethrasmussen.com/)

Keep track of comments to all entries with the Comments Feed

Post a comment










Remember personal info?